did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
