Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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