He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
