Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
