I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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