Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
