He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
