we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
