i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
