so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
