Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
