i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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