I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
