i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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