im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
