Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
