She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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