Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
