I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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