We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The Olympian is in my bed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.