the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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