How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face