how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do