A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.