if you like me you must not know who I am
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
