Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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