Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize