thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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