I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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