Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
