I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
