Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I supernannyed him into submission
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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