You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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