nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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