none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
