he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
