ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
