I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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