Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
