He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
