I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
