laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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