No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
