I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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