And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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