i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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