My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
