Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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