i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
