I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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