it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
