i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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