apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
