My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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