Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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