You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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