Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
PANTIES FOUND
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