i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
