my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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