Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think a kid would responsible me up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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