she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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