maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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