im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
