Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
