Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
