WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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