At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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