Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Of course I have a pirate flag
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
