Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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