is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
