i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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