my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
