sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
