WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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