there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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