You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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