My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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