I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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