dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
