Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
